Three (3) Very Small “But Important” Steps to Healthy Relationships

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How to determine whether a potential prospect is a sex-capade or true love.

Once you understand the three small but important steps to healthy relationships, you will learn more about potential lovers beforehand to determine if it’s really love or just lust. When dating set your pace, for true love does not come overnight. If you’re looking for a long term relationship, you want to make sure the person you choose is worthy of you. So use this information to recognize what you don’t want so that you can focus on whatever it is that you do want. Being able to strike up a conversation with a stranger shows maturity and a sense of confidence. So, if you’ve gotten this far, you’re on your way, which is precisely why you should read further.

1. Ask Questions To create interesting dialogue, start off by asking questions. Jot down some questions that you may want or need to know about your date, before meeting him or her. When getting to know this person, you want to ask questions that will align with your way of thinking and the things you desire in life. For instance: “What types of movies do you like?” This is a very common question and relevant if you enjoy movies. And wouldn’t it be nice to know that your date loves horrors, which you despise. See what I mean? However, if you ask a question like “Do you work out?” and he does and that’s what you like doing, then you know you share a common interest. Generating carefully chosen questions like these can help you in determining how much you and your new love interest have in common. It’s important to ask questions about the person’s background in order to get a feel for your similarities. Some questions that may be real deal-breakers, such as “What’s your religious background?,” are very important if you have a strong religious belief or just want someone who shares your beliefs. I strongly suggest letting the air out of the tire by posing questions like these early in the discussion:

• Are you married?

• What are your feelings about family?

• How do you feel about religion?

• Do you have kids?

If you’re planning to have family, it’s important that your potential love interest be on the same page.

Now that you have your questions in hand/head, it’s time to sit down with your date and “interview.” Yes, interview. This is all it is, an interview. You are meeting this person to find out if you are compatible. The second step is being observant. Give your undivided attention to this person by becoming tuned in to what he or she is telling you.

2. Be Observant Be present. Put your cell phone on vibrate and don’t look at it until you go to the ladies/gents room. You should have enough questions to keep up an interesting conversation. It’s important that you pay attention. Paying attention makes your date feel important and valid; you can definitely score points here. Observing one’s responses is important because later, if those responses change, it’s a red flag that maybe this person needs some healing from a previous relationship. Always follow up with additional questions related to the answers. Observe, if/when someone’s story changes too often. Consistency is important. Observe the person’s actions. Does he react when you ask questions, regardless of the type of question? This could be a sign of baggage (perceived ideologies from their experiences). You don’t want to move into a relationship that has baggage because that baggage could forever be in the way.

3. No sex Finally, sex is very intimate and if exposed too soon in relationships it could give the wrong impression; one may believe that this is how you are all the time. Initially the connection between two people is bound to be physical, unless they meet on a blind date. Attraction is such a small part of the equation, though. By taking your time and waiting to have sex you will find out if you like this person mentally, emotionally, and spiritually and whether there is a true connection or not. There’s a rule about having sex too soon in a prospective relationship: Don’t have sex for at least 90 days. Steve Harvey coined the 90-day rule in his book Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man. Don’t give up the drawls! Ladies and gents, until you know who this person is you’re courting, do not exposed your most intimate and precious part of yourself! True, you may never know some people even if it’s a 10-step program, this is why we take our time. One thing I can assure you is, you will learn more about this person thru communicating over 90 days, that will help you make the best decision possible, as compared to sleeping with him or her too soon. Once we become intimate with someone, everything has been put on the table, and if it happens too soon, there won’t be much to talk about, because you will have this awkward intimate relationship you feel committed to based on sex only. At first people will do everything you like because we all have an animalistic attraction and when we are attracted to someone our hormones are disturbed in an animalistic way, which is very sexy and so hard to resist. However, you have to stay focused on the goal if you’re looking for stability. It is imperative that you get to know the person before intimacy. So, why not cherish that feeling and, at the same time, get to know your potential wife/husband on a deeper level? You will also be more inclined to pay attention to your own feelings and have an understanding about what you’re not willing to live with versus what you want to live with.

Getting to know a love interest can take at least 12 face-to-face dates and/or 90 days. In this time span you will not only get to know the person’s habits, but you will find out if you truly want this person in your life. Sometimes this can happen in as little as three conversations. Once you’ve established the three small but important steps to healthy relationships you should have some idea about the person you’re dating or more knowledge about someone you want to date. If nothing else, getting to know the person better may lead to a lasting friendship. The bottom line is, lots of people have long relations after having sex the first night, but the question is, is it a healthy relationship?

Arrested before his debut at the Hip-Hop awards…how dumb was that?

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I like T.I., he has made the mistake many of our young black men make when they want to take the law into there own hands because they are unsure of what is right or wrong. I’m sure he had his own “logical” reasons for “needing” or wanting a weapon of such magnitude. Do you think he’s learned his lesson….maybe not.

I would like to know from the brothers out their…why is it so hard to stay out of trouble? T.I. has everything the average American would die for, and he throws it away for what? Was he scared in that big house he acquired through his very talented rapping style, or was it that he needed that weapon to protect himself from someone who might jack him while driving in his expensive rides. Amazing!

These are just things my people! They aren’t worth going to jail and losing your freedom for. Why can’t we stay on the narrow and work hard or be creative like most Americans to survive in this world.

Now what? 😦

I have an Idea; why don’t we think about the consequences of our actions before we make such drastic decisions. Maybe we should call our moms and ask them for guidance because we really haven’t learned much before we moved out. Maybe it takes a few prison terms to get the message…I STILL DON’T GET IT!

I guess my next post should be to the parents who has failed our young men when they sent them out of their homes without the proper tools to survive in the real world.

Whoopi & Sherry Shephard co-Host on “The View”….Monumental!!

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Monumental! …Two (2) AFRICAN AMERICAN FEMALE…not 1 but 2 black female co-hosting The ViewSherry Shephard and Whoopi Goldberg. To have not one (1) but two (2) African-American female co-host on ABC at one time…IS ENORMOUS!…and deserves supporting from black radio and media (ie. Michael Baisden, Steve Harvey).

For many years African-American women have fault and struggled to get in positions where they can be heard and seen as intelligent individuals not just strong. I just hope that both Whoopi Goldberg and Sherry Shephard continue to prove that African-American women are steady, intelligent and poised, more than the mere negative stereotypes which has haunted our culture for so many years.