#9

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2014 – 6 MOS LATER (June 2)- I’ve been thinking all of these months about what to type?!? How can I put energy into this blog?1?

Funny how time flies and you never even think about it until everything around you seems to be standing still. I’ve been out of work since 2012, unemployment insurance exhausted, they say I have no more funds in my State Disability Insurance account, which mind you is suppose to last for up to 12 months, who knows. Its the government and they generally can do what they want to us. Make us pay taxes, where there’s clearly no law supporting that. Make us pay for social security for when we retire, supposedly, clearly wont see that either judging by what they’re telling us. I’m Just venting.

Where I’m at now, I haven’t given up, my motivation is high and I believe I can do anything I put my focus on…but what do I focus on, I have no money and almost out of ideas. Who knew that I should have focused on a single subject and not been so curious and broad minded with my studies and work abilities. You see, I’m a Jack-of-all-trades, well, at least I can say that I am a “Master” at one. Yes, I received my MBA in Project Management in December 2011. It was something I always wanted to do! I remember being about, hmm, 20, I didn’t even have my high school diploma then, and I was thinking of a “master” plan. Yasssss!, and I told my self and friends, “I’m going to get a masters degree.” I dropped out of high school in the 11th grade, ain’t that a blimp (as my 2nd to the oldest sister would say). I surprised myself thought, up until this point.

Check this; my mom moved us from Washington, DC where the schools were 99.9% black populated to Ashland, KY where they were 99.9% white…AINT THAT A BLIMP!!! I was devastated! I’ve never been around so many white people in-my-life! It was the first time I’ve ever (that I can remember) out right experienced racism. I was uprooted from my friends Tijuana, DeeDee, Rishirl, and Llewelyn (Nee Nee). I had just turned 16, my dad was sick and my mom was unable to maintain the required lifestyle it took for us to stay in our home in DC. It was what it was. I don’t remember having a discussion about it, we just packed and left. Off to Kentucky.

In Kentucky, I was transferred to Paul G. Blazer, the only high school in that city. One of my teachers that I remember was a wicked looking one, I don’t remember her name, she taught history (I think). She was ugly and old looking, she probably was 45, but she looked 95 – lol! I was a teenager then, that’s how I felt. She smoked in the class room, yeah – it was those days. How dare they allow that in a class room, what a bad mentor she was as well as our school district for allowing it. As a matter of fact, I don’t ever remember a teacher smoking in a class room in DC. Anyway, she actually said to me and 3 other blacks in the class , “all black people look alike”, well, me and my out spoken self told her I felt the same about white people. I’m sure she didn’t like me, but it didn’t matter…I was displaced. My mother left us there with this old hag black women called Sister Reese, she was worst than the old hag white women because we lived with her.

Anyway. Our first summer there I would leave the house and go behind the house to the shopping center and shoplift chocolate candy bars. I was so misguided as I remember. I was number 9. Do you know what #9 out of 12 kids experience. Well, let me tell you. Lots of ignoring, mishandling, pushing away, neglect, no communication, too much communication through other siblings. It was lonesome, so lonesome that I remember being in to stuff no child should have been in. It was lonesome because I don’t remember being taught not to fight or hate my sister, or to hug and love my brothers. It was lonesome because I was ignored constantly. My voice was loud but yet so small. Even today, my voice is small but I have loud ideas in my head and that I share with my friends on facebook. I’m so loud today, yet know ones hearing me.

However, that experience, living in Kentucky, made me who I am today.

to be continued…

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